beauty in the gray
There’s a quote that reminds us that us being alive inevitably means we’ve survived all of life’s previous challenges. It is meant to give us the courage to look ahead with a lens of optimism. Yet when we’re hit with life’s next set of blows they sting so badly that we become prisoners of the moment. It feels like the first time we’ve ever been disappointed, frustrated, or wounded. It’s in these moments that life demands we pick a side: will we choose to absorb the hit while
leaning in to learn the lesson, or will we allow the disappointment, frustration and fresh scar to knock the wind out of us? What if I told you we don’t have to choose? We can do both. Taking it a step further, what if having the wind knocked out of us became synonymous with having our own understanding exchanged for God’s thoughts towards us? We’re more than conquerors, more than our scars that leave evidence of our wars. We’re the beauty that rises from the ashes too.
For decades I’ve found comfort in refusing to live in the gray. Life for me had to be black or white in order for circumstances to make sense; I found safety in life adding up to this if it wasn’t that. It wasn’t until I started taking my journey with God seriously that I realized the beauty that exists within the gray — the space where infinite outcomes can be true at once. Where I can be wounded by life and still loved by God. Where I can have wins in the same week that it feels like my world is tumbling down. To be honest, this is still a work in progress for me.
Journeying with God, at some point, had me believing that faith in divinity would erase the tendencies of my humanity. Wrong! I’ve come to realize, and I’m almost accepting it to be fact, that because of divinity my humanity will be on full display but both can exist at once. There’s grace in duality. I’m reminded of Moses being an Israelite and an Egyptian-adjacent. When getting in the middle of the men that were fighting, his instincts were to be loyal to the man whom he shared ethnicity, the Israelite, even if it meant killing the man whom was raised within proximity, the Egyptian. In that moment Moses, like us, realized that no matter how long you’re away from the place that birthed you, it remains apart of who you are authentically. Had Moses realized that he was equal parts of both men and allowed that to weigh in his decision making I highly doubt he would’ve been labeled on the biblical Shade Room as a murderer. No matter how much we grow in God our humanity will forever be connected to us.
Living in the gray takes work. It requires that we admit where we are, knowing what we need in order to move beyond life’s challenges, and recognizing that the moment we’re standing in is simply just that — a moment! Obstacles are a guarantee of life. Life doesn’t owe us anything and neither does divinity, if we’re honest. Sure, sometimes it feels like since we gave our life to Christ that we’re owed a life of peace that’s free of struggles or strife but oh ye of long-term memory loss, Christ gave to us first so giving our lives back is the least we can do.
Finding comfort in duality necessitates emotional and spiritual maturity. There will be times when life is lifeing while blessings are still flowing. It happens more times than not. Giving yourself permission to be human and not living in the polarizing mindset of life only being good or bad at once is the sweet spot of the gray.
Embrace your humanity. Bask in your blessings. Make it a habit to seek out the gray along your journey. I promise you it’s beautiful there.
